“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ~ Rumi
This week, I found myself taking off the metaphorical bandages I’ve wrapped around my life over the past few years. I looked at the puckered scars underneath, looked at the tender, fleshy bits, and realized with some surprise, I’ve healed.
There are scars, yes. But the wounds have closed.
If you’re like me, you talk to yourself every now and again.
At the moment I ascertained that I was, in fact, no longer torn asunder, I started to think aloud.
“If you were meant for ___________ (fill in the blank with whatever issue/person you are wrestling with) you would have it, don’t ya think?”
I railed and spit nails for a bit and reluctantly admitted this was true. The words nearly caught in my throat as I noted:
“I have the life I have (a life I deeply love) because I did not stay with _________. In other words, his departure facilitated my profound growth as a human being. Had he stayed with me, I would not be the woman I am now.”
It startled me.
I wouldn’t be here in Northern New Mexico teaching online and living in my own house if it wasn’t for that terrible loss.
That loss ripped me open. That loss made me grow up. That loss made this life possible.
And suddenly, the loss that tormented me for so long became a grace, a gift, a healing balm.
“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” ~ Rumi
As I sat unwrapping this truth, my coffee grew cold. I thought back and pondered every other seemingly awful crossroad in my life.
Through this new lens, all of those choices became blessed choices.
I was in the right place at the right time. I did not miss ‘my chance.’ I did not make a wrong turn and wander aimlessly for a decade.
All that happened – including the man I didn’t marry and the man who didn’t love me and the man I loved for too long and the children I never birthed – all of that made this life possible. The bankruptcy, the overspending, the eating, the deaths, the endless trips down side streets I took instead of the main road, all of it made me the person I am now.
Yes, I am silver-haired and scarred.
Yes, I am not as limber or lithe as I once was, but I am something better.
I’m soul-softened by life.
I’m more open and more true.
I’m no longer trying to mold myself into a form that doesn’t suit me.
I’m no longer measuring my worth through the eyes of others.
You see, a thimble will not hold an ocean.
And each of those scenarios that didn’t work out the way I wanted at the time, wouldn’t have allowed my soul to stretch in the way this road through life did.
“My soul is from elsewhere, I’m sure of that, and I intend to end up there.” ~ Rumi
So, ask yourself about your so-called ‘bad choices’. What have they taught you?
How have they shaped your gypsy soul?
I am willing to bet – when you get down to the bones of the bones of your life – and you meet your truth there, you will see that it could never have played out any other way.
And you will realize then, in that bright moment of clarity and goodness, you’ve born witness to the beauty and light and wisdom of this world.
© 2016 Shavawn M. Berry All rights reserved
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