“There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by my self.” ~ Brian Andreas
I usually write my posts on Saturdays, but this week I’ve been flat on my back developing a close and personal relationship with my bed — likely something a good swath of the population is joining me in. Collectively, we are processing a lot of old gunk and garbage, and as it moves out, our bodies get sick in order to let it all go. It’s sort of like scrubbing yourself clean, and then standing in the shower watching the dirty water swirl down the drain. There is a certain amount of satisfaction in cleaning things up, while at the same time, if you are like me, you are saying things like, “Enough already!” Enough sinus irritation, nose running like a faucet, chest aching, throat burning…
Sickness is a messenger
I finally sat down last night and did a round of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or what is commonly known as “tapping” to clear some of the stuff that seemed to be keeping me from clearing the illness in my body. (You can find out anything you want to know about tapping at Brad Yates’ YouTube page.) We get sick when we need down time. We get sick when we don’t get enough sleep, aren’t paying attention to our inner voice, or we need to process something that is floating up from our subconscious or unconscious. For me, all of these things were going on.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the past lately. About an old lover and regrets and things I didn’t say that I should have said. I’ve been pondering the fact that we often don’t get a heads up when we are seeing someone for the last time. When I jumped out of my ex’s truck several years ago, I never imagined I would never see him again. I ache from time to time thinking about all the things that went wrong and all the chances I missed. I know it could not and would not have turned out any differently, no matter what I’d done, but I am still haunted by the fact that we never really parted in a clear and complete way. It’s like things stopped in the middle of a sentence and I was left to sort out how I felt. The thing is, I still don’t know.
Sorting it out. Bit by bit.
So, I tapped and tapped, working my way through the standard tapping script that allows you to acknowledge what you are feeling energetically (“Even though I am sad, as sad as I’ve ever been or can ever remember being, I deeply and completely, love, honor and accept myself. Even though I am angry and mad and feeling lost, I deeply and completely, love, honor and accept myself”). You start with that statement (or your version of it, depending on what’s going on) and then you slowly work your way around the tapping points until you feel that you are loosening up the stuck energy and it is starting to move. I discovered tapping about three years ago by “accident” (I don’t really believe in accidents). I was as skeptical as you probably are right now, but I tapped along with Nick Ortner and was surprised by the flood of emotion that came up, followed by profound relief and a sort of giddiness. I thought to myself, “Really? R E A L L Y?” I felt a huge weight lift off of me. As a student of many spiritual traditions and practices, and a believer in the notion behind the Law of Attraction, that was the first time in my life where I understood that I could change how I felt about something quickly. (Even more quickly than chanting.) The shift was astonishing.
Ten short minutes changed my life.
I told my best friend about it, and she (ever the skeptic) refused to try it for about a month. Then one day she called up and was chattering away like a little magpie, “Tapping! Amazing!”
As I finished the round last night (thanks, Brad) my sinuses cleared and I could sleep. I realized (yet again) that my grief process can take a short time or a long time. It is up to me. And, this illness right now, is about grief. A boatload of it. Not all of it is about M. Some of it has roots elsewhere, but all of it needs to be cleared out. The work of this life is about living everything fully. Experiencing love and sorrow and pain and joy in equal measure. None of us have been singled out to swallow more tears than the rest.
We all have a full plate.
My sorrows make me more fully enjoy my life. Everything is a teacher. Everything bears gifts. Everything shapes me more completely into a vessel of light.
© 2013 Shavawn M. Berry All rights reserved
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