Yesterday I managed to cover a lot of ground on my teacher’s “shoulds” list — grading papers, handing stuff back, sending out email, managing my time at a point in the semester when everything is mess and chaos.  And part of the reason I could do it was I shifted my focus from the “should” of it (resistance) into the “get to do” of it (as in want to).  I suddenly remembered how much energy it takes to resist my obligations and responsibilities.  All of us at one time or another want, to be frank, to just f* off, without repercussions.  And this past week I took a couple of days and allowed myself to goof off, to have people over, to work on my poetry collection, to have coffee with a friend…and I found that taking that time actually created a willingness to buckle down and get some work done.  Instead of derailing me into a fulltime life of sloth and a slow descent into hell, it helped. Playing. Taking a break. Savoring a cup of tea. Making a pan of Pad Thai.  All of it was restorative. I truly, utterly, completely enjoyed it.

And once my soul got the sense that I actually give a crap about giving her some room to roam free, I could refocus and start to get a few things done.  Yesterday, I felt a sense of accomplishment rather than dread.

Today as I drink my morning coffee, I am watching the birds with my cat, Edgar, cackling from the window sill.  He loves the hummingbirds that alight on the bush outside, and so do I.  I am admiring the seriously JUMBO grapefruit ripening on the tree in the middle of my backyard. I am giving the cats treats and rubbing the dog’s belly. I got a lot done yesterday, so today is a day of rest. I plan to savor my solitude and silence, perhaps read a bit later, but otherwise I have no plans.  It feels good to just be.  I highly recommend it.

© 2011  Shavawn M. Berry  All rights reserved

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